


heart been broke so many times, i don't know what to believe

by orphan_account



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Drabble, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Unrequited Love, actually is something over 1K considered a drabble idk, but it's incomplete is what it is, except they can't do anything because george is already dating someone else, no beta we die like men, that's it that's the fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-01
Updated: 2020-07-01
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:33:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25013215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: “I loved you, Sapnap,” George said, choking on a sob. “And I think—”Sapnap felt more than heard George’s voice break under the intensity of his raw emotions, and Sapnap wished he could do something to alleviate his pain, but his body still refused to move and his head still felt like it was spinning.George looked away, as if unable to face Sapnap, and whispered, “I think I still do.”And then, “But I can’t be with you.”(or, Sapnap tries to confess and realises some things were better left unsaid)
Relationships: Clay | Dream/GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF), GeorgeNotFound/Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF)
Comments: 22
Kudos: 169





	heart been broke so many times, i don't know what to believe

"I love you," Sapnap rushed out. "I think, I think I always have."

Sapnap felt his stomach drop as the easy smile slipped off George's face. He stared at the other, his mouth agape in shock, his body frozen. George didn't move, didn't react at all to Sapnap's words, and regret started to pool in Sapnap's stomach.

George licked his lips, a flicker of movement, though the rest of him was still rooted to the spot. "What do you mean?"

Sapnap huffed, suddenly irritated, with himself, with George, with the world. "You know what I mean."

"No," said George, his tone hardened. "No, I don't."

"I love-"

"Stop!" George cut in, stepping towards Sapnap, before he hesitated and backed away. "Don't, don't say that."

"Say _what_?" Sapnap asked, and he noted how his own voice was getting louder, more volatile. "That I love you?"

"I told you to stop!" exclaimed George. “What— why would you say that? What’s wrong with you?”

“ _What’s wrong with_ — there’s nothing wrong with me! This isn’t, like, a prank or—”

“What, are you telling me to break up with him or something? What am I meant to do with this information?!”

“I’m not asking you to break up with Dream,” Sapnap rushed to explain. “I just, I just thought you should know.”

“And what did you expect would happen if I did?” George asked, his voice trembling. Cursing, he curled his shaking hands into fists, though it did nothing to stop the tremors from coursing through his body. “What, did you think I’d thank you? That I could just, act like everything’s normal after this?”

Sapnap threw his hands into the air, helpless. “Well, can’t you? It’s not like things have to be different after this!”

“But they are!” George burst out, before he suddenly sagged. It was as if all his energy went seeping out of his body, leaving him crumpled and exhausted. “Everything’s different now.”

Trudging towards Sapnap’s bed in the middle of the room, George let himself fall onto the covers, his head hanging between his shoulders. Sapnap hesitated, before he sat down next to the man. He placed a hand on George’s shoulder, tentative and unsure, but George didn’t shake him off. He saw it as a good sign.

“Nothing has to change,” Sapnap began, his voice too loud in the sudden quiet of the room. It was as if everything had gone still, almost tranquil if it wasn’t for the tension in Sapnap’s shoulders. It was foreboding and real and downright terrifying, and he feared something would snap if he broke the silence.

“It’s honestly not even that serious,” Sapnap continued, hoping desperately that he hadn’t said the wrong thing. “I really shouldn’t have—"

“I loved you too.”

Sapnap froze, his heart jumping up his throat. Suddenly, the silence was ringing in his head, overwhelmingly quiet in the aftermath of George’s words.

“What?” Sapnap breathed. His heart was beating fast, too fast, and he barely noticed George shifting under his hand.

George had turned away, forcing Sapnap to stare at the back of his head, his straightened dark hair that he’d never seen so dishevelled before. A shaky laugh escaped George, resonating in the air, but it was too wet and forced and broken.

“I loved you too,” repeated George, his voice watery. Sapnap couldn’t see if he was crying, and a part of him didn’t want to. His body was numb, a contrast to the whirlwind of emotions flashing inside. He was feeling too much and too little, too many things to say that he didn’t say at all.

“Oh,” said Sapnap, struggling to find his voice. It was all he could think to say, and it took everything in him to even voice it out. But it wasn’t enough, and Sapnap watched uselessly as George ripped away from his grasp and stood up.

“Is that all you can say?!” spit George, turning to face him. Tears were sliding down his cheeks, his eyes still filling up and draining themselves as his pupils pinned Sapnap down. His nose was red, his cheeks were red, and Sapnap could almost taste George’s venom.

He tried to reach out to him, heart numb but still beating with the primal urge to comfort him. George smacked Sapnap’s hands away, removing himself even further, and Sapnap could only watch as the distance between them widened.

“I loved you, Sapnap,” George said, choking on a sob. “And I think—”

Sapnap felt more than heard George’s voice break under the intensity of his raw emotions, and Sapnap wished he could do something to alleviate his pain, but his body still refused to move and his head still felt like it was spinning.

George looked away, as if unable to face Sapnap, and whispered, “I think I still do.”

And then, “But I can’t be with you.”

Sapnap was expecting that answer, but it didn’t stop his heart from breaking. The small glimmer of hope George had shone on him was torn from his grasp, flickering away as if it was never there, but it _was_ , and Sapnap could almost feel it like a phantom ghost in his heart.

“I can’t break up with Dream,” George said, still facing away from Sapnap. Sapnap didn’t know if he could look George in the eye either. “I love you, but I also love him, and I just… _God_ , I just don’t know. It’s different, for both of you, and I don’t know which is right.”

Immediately, Sapnap knew George was lying, and George seemed to know it too, because he added, “But it doesn’t matter, because I’m already with Dream, and it wouldn’t be fair if I suddenly broke up with him to be with you. Not after everything he’s done.”

_It wouldn’t be fair_ , George had said. It wouldn’t be fair to Dream, who had spent all his life loving George just as much as Sapnap did, except he hadn’t been a coward about it. It wouldn’t be fair to George, who had always waited for him, waited for Sapnap to say he loved him and to love him back, until he was done waiting.

But this solution, this new plan of action George had chosen, it didn’t feel fair to them either. What was the point of loving if they could not be together? What was the point of being so close if Sapnap would never be able to get close enough?

Maybe he was bitter because it had seemed, just for a moment, that he would be getting everything he’d always wanted, but it was ripped away from him before he could even process what he’d held in his grasp. It was too quick, almost a tease of something he’d never have, and Sapnap almost wished George had never told him this at all.

The sound of a door banging open broke the silence in the room, followed by the familiar call of Dream announcing he was home. George hastily wiped away his tears, before turning to face Sapnap. His face was still red, but the red would fade away soon enough. It’ll go back to normal in only a few minutes, and Dream wouldn’t question something that looked as if it had never happened.

George rushed towards Sapnap’s door, before he hesitated. He turned to look at Sapnap, and Sapnap didn’t know whether George looked heartbroken or whether he was just projecting his own heartbreak.

“I’m sorry,” George breathed, before he quickly left the room. The door closed behind him, and the stillness was back. Sapnap couldn’t bring his body to budge, forever rooted down to where he was sitting. He wondered, wildly, if he could stay here forever, if he could hide away in his room for the rest of his living days and forget _George_ had ever happened.

He didn’t notice the tears rolling down his cheeks until he felt himself choke on a sob. His throat was constricting, almost as if he couldn’t breathe, and Sapnap almost wish he wouldn't. Outside his windows, birds chirped merrily and the trees continued to sway. They didn’t care about his feelings, about the inner meltdown he was facing alone, and he wondered if anyone did.

**Author's Note:**

> i was working on another, longer (and fluffier) georgenap fic and this came to mind so i just had to write it down. except then my dumbass realised it didn't fit with my georgenap one-shot AT ALL asdfghjkl so now i'm just publishing this as a completely separate drabble :,) hope you enjoy it as much as my discord did ASDFGHJKL
> 
> (also don't clown me for my title, i didn't know what to put and at this point i Stopped Caring)
> 
> [tumblr](https://marsyamallow-xo.tumblr.com/)   
>  [twitter](https://twitter.com/marsyamallowxo/)


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